Here we go again.
I just got a BFP this morning. That is internet fertility speak for Big Fat Positive (pregnancy test).
It saddens me that I can’t get excited about this. I should be ecstatic, but having had three miscarriages before Jonas, I can’t do much more than hold my breath and wait. I don’t feel much of anything about it right now. I guess I’m trying not to think about it too much.
We lost two of the three in the 8th week, and the other was earlier. So, if we can just make it to week 9, I will be able to exhale and relax a bit.
With Jonas, I was sick about a week after conception. I just knew I was pregnant. I have felt a little “off” sometimes over the last week, but that’s it. I know that it’s probably not usual to be really sick so early like with Jonas, and the fact that I’m not feeling too bad yet, isn’t necessarily a bad indication. I guess it would just make me feel a little better, but maybe the Lord is just being gracious to me. It was a rough week with Jonas, and it would have been made much worse with strong morning sickness.
So, I guess there is not much to do but wait and pray.
I am trying to decide if I want to have an early ultrasound. The babies usually stop growing around six weeks and then the miscarriage starts a couple weeks later. So, having the ultrasound either brings relief or prepares us for what’s ahead. But, I don’t know. Part of me just wants to go with the flow and wait it out.