Well, I have been seeing my acupuncturist, Michelle, again for, what, a few months now, I guess. My body has straightened itself out enough this cycle to start trying again. I am just trying to focus on being low-stress.
I’m not stressing about the possibility of another miscarriage, at this point. God has really taught me to rely on him more fully through this whole ordeal. It is amazing the peace that he can provide in the midst of trial. I’m just trying to take things a step at a time. I pray that the treatments and herbs will give our next baby the protection that s/he needs to come to term, but I am leaving it in God’s hands. I don’t want another miscarriage. It’s hard to bear, but I know that God’s plan is good, even when I don’t understand.
It may sound strange, but I would never wish away the losses we’ve experienced, simply because God has used them to work in our lives, shape who we are, and reveal himself more fully. His ways are right, and it is such a tremendous comfort to truly believe that. It is liberating not to have fear about the future of our family and to know that everything is bearable because he is our strength when we have none. And God has allowed me the opportunity to comfort others who have suffered the same loss, which has been a tremendous blessing to me.
I guess the miscarriages are just a part of who I am. That being said, I really don’t want any more, though I will accept whatever lies ahead.
So, as far as stress goes, I’m trying to concentrate on making my life as low stress as possible, so I can give my baby, whenever s/he is conceived, as positive an environment as possible. This is hard because I don’t always recognize when I am stressed. I’ve always just dealt with it without feeling the effects until it has built up to the point that I crash, seemingly out of nowhere. Things aren’t bad right now, but I need to be mindful. Taking care of four kids for 20+ hours over a two day period is draining.
Last week, when Michelle was listening to my pulses, she asked how things are at home and with the kids. Apparently as soon as I began talking about watching the kids, my kidney pulse totally crashed. The kidney is associated with growth, fertility, sexual capacity – everything that is important right now, so that’s not good. She was really stressing to me my need to let go of the stress, so it doesn’t put unnecessary stress on the next pregnancy. She says she views kids having an electrical cord which is plugged into their caregiver, and they are continually feeding off your energy, and she suggested I do some meditation to visualize them hooking up to their guardian angels instead of me, and seeing them provide protection and energy for the children. While the truth of this doesn’t jive with me, I get what she means, and what I need to do is ask God to provide everything the kids and I need to get through the day well without wearing me down too much. I just need to be better about taking some time for myself too. Relaxation exercises do work wonders, but I always feel like I have too much to do to stop for something like that. I need to slow down some and focus on myself and the next baby, just a little.
I’d really appreciate any prayers with regard to all this.